


I'm No Good For You

by go_Jean_or_go_home



Category: Attack on Titan, Shingeki no Kyojin
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Dreams, Boyfriends, Comforting, Crying, Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eren's superman boxers, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Jean has a nightmare that isn't of the typical sort and Eren comforts him as best he can, Jean's plaid pajama pants, Light Angst, M/M, Modern AU, Nightmares, and they're dorks, because he's classy, college boys, messy dorm rooms, sort of, then he farts, they're seniors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 17:21:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9833435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/go_Jean_or_go_home/pseuds/go_Jean_or_go_home
Summary: Eren has never seen Jean cry before.





	

The dorm flat was tranquil and quiet, the only noise being the creaking of the living room ceiling fan as it spun slowly. Outside the dorm's thin walls, the night made no sounds as well, which was strange for a usually rowdy college campus.

Light filtered in through the window blinds, washing the cream-colored walls with a dark blue. In the dorm’s kitchenette, water dripped from the faucet into the sink that was stacked high with dirty cups and plates. 

By the front door, assorted shoes littered the hall, and the closet was open, revealing all the coats and sweaters to be in a pile on the floor rather than on the empty hangars.

The coffee table had absolutely no space for anything more, for it sported several half-drunken beer cans and water bottles, multiple magazines and a handful of television remotes. Even the toilet in the second bathroom wasn't making any strange noises, which was an improvement.

The dorm flat boasted two bedrooms, each with their own bathroom, but the second hadn't been used in over a week because Eren’s roommate Bertholdt had recently moved into his boyfriend's apartment, of whom had already graduated a year ago. Ergo, what would've been Bertholdt's room was clean and untouched, the bathroom empty and unused, and the bed always made due to lack of any weight. Eren’s room on the other hand, was a mess.

Band and video game posters hung haphazardly off the walls, along with many ripped photos of friends that had been taken over the years. He'd broken one of the hinges to his room's door, so he’d taken it off completely and leaned it against the far wall to fix on another date (though he’d been putting it off for a while). Clothes were scattered around the entire room, on the dresser, the window sill, and circling the bed. A trail of damp towels lead the way to his own bathroom, where wet puddles still hadn't dried up on the floor.

In his single bed, Eren lay awake, uncovered by any blankets. He had gone to bed wearing nothing but some superman boxers, but he wasn’t cold, because his body heat was always just below scorching.

Eren lay on the side of the bed closest to the bedroom windows, where streams of moonlight revealed dust particles floating around in the air. He didn't know what time it was, but based on the still-dark sky outside, he'd say pretty early. 

Too early to be awake. 

His eyes stung from staying open for so long. Eren didn’t usually wake up at such an hour as this, but for whatever reason, his body just wouldn’t allow him to go back to sleep despite feeling exhausted.

Additionally, Eren wasn’t the only one occupying the bed, even though it was only meant to hold one person.

Averting his probably bloodshot eyes away from the unidentified green stain on his ceiling, Eren glanced at his bundled burrito of a boyfriend next to him.

Unlike Eren and his broiling body heat, Jean was always cold. Hence, he had unconsciously stolen all the blankets from Eren in his sleep, though Eren didn’t mind. Jean was curled up into fetal position to try and get warmer, facing away from Eren. Now, Jean just looked like a messy pile of blankets with the tufts of blonde-dyed bed head poking out of the top. The bundle rose and fell with every soft breath Jean took, and Eren found himself gazing at those spikes of hair fondly.

Jean and Eren had become an official couple in the beginning of their junior year, but they’d been in denial for several years before that. Some people already guessed it, while others were shocked, but happy for them nonetheless.

Since their going public, Jean had started crossing campus to have bi-monthly sleepovers with Eren in his dorm, and vice versa. When Bertoldt moved in with Reiner, that only encouraged them to see each other at Eren’s more often, since they had the whole dorm to themselves. This night was just one of those sleepover nights.

Eren watched Jean’s quietly sleeping pile absentmindedly. He recalled just how fussy and dramatic Jean was when he was awake. He huffed a soft laugh. 

Awake Jean greatly contrasted sleeping Jean, whose face he couldn’t see right now, but he’d seen it before. When Jean slept, his usually sharp features for once lacked a scowl, and looked calmer and peaceful. 

Eren himself was one of those rare people who were lucky enough to see Jean smile, and not a cocky smirk, a genuine smile. Eren was someone who had encouraged some of those smiles, and he felt pride in that.

They both needed to smile more.

Lazily watching Jean’s blanket pile swell and shrink, Eren felt an apathetic calm wash over him as he listened to soft breaths.

Wanting to get closer to his boyfriend, Eren began shuffling so that he could big spoon Jean, but at that moment Jean suddenly began stirring.

Eren stopped his movement, watching as Jean started to squirm in his layers. A leg suddenly kicked out from the pile, bare, as Jean had come into Eren’s bed wearing only plaid pajama pants which had surely rolled up by now.

The leg got drawn back up to Jean’s chest, swapping out for the other leg to kick out. Jean squirmed even more, and Eren started to wonder if he should be doing something, but then all movement came to a halt.

Eren counted down ten seconds, then deemed Jean’s silent tantrum over. But then Jean abruptly let out a pained whimper, that sounded excruciatingly loud in the quiet night. Feeling his eyebrows scrunch up in concern, Eren shuffled behind Jean, who had started squirming again, curling into himself defensively.

Eren cautiously hovered a hand over where he was sure Jean’s shoulder was underneath the blankets, whimpers now falling from his boyfriend’s lips endlessly. Before Eren could shake his shoulder, Jean sharply flipped over to face Eren, who was shocked to see wet trails leading from Jean’s eyes, which were squeezed shut. 

In all the years he's known him, Eren had never seen Jean cry.

Jean’s teeth were clenched, meek noises sounding through them. Eren put his hand on Jean's shoulder and started shaking, probably a little rougher than needed. “Jean, Jean!” He whisper-shouted.

Jean flinched back when Eren’s hand made contact with him through the blankets, gasping out murmured, “N-no, no… no, n-n... “. Fresh tears made his cheeks glint when the moonlight hit them.

Eren had snatched his hand back when Jean flinched, but now he persisted, trying to wake Jean up from his trauma. “Jean! Wake up!”

Jean’s eyebrows were drawn together tightly, damp eyelashes clumped together. “Jean!” He continued to whine pitifully, floundering as the blankets started slipping off his pale frame.

“Wake up!” 

Amber eyes snapped open, blinking rapidly to clear wet, blurry vision. “Jean?” Jean’s attention shifted from whatever dreamworld he had been trapped in, to the worried, emerald-eyed stare in front of him. 

The sight of Eren must've triggered some memory from the dream, because Jean's lips started quivering when he saw him. His eyes started to get shiney again, but Jean ducked his head down and covered his eyes with one hand to prevent Eren from seeing the tears. Jean’s other hand clenched the bedsheets tightly, as shuddering breaths shook his shoulders.

“Jean…” Eren spoke softly. He wrapped his arms around Jean and drew him close to his chest, fully expecting Jean to protest and shove him away, but that never happened. In fact, quite the opposite. Jean kept his head lowered from Eren’s view, but pressed his forehead closer to Eren’s chest as he sobbed quietly. 

This was a side of Jean Eren had rarely ever seen, and not to this extent. He felt estranged.

Eren rubbed small circles into Jean’s shivering back, who was obviously trying desperately to keep his crying silent. This resulted in Jean letting out awkwardly high-pitched whimpers, and incredibly staccato gasps. 

“Jean, baby... don’t hold it all back... let it out.” Eren pleaded softly into open air. He didn’t look down at Jean exactly, sparing him the unwanted spotlight, and instead stared blankly into his cluttered bathroom branching off from his room.

Jean finally let out clean sobs, wrapping his pale, thin arms in turn around Eren, clinging to his warm body dependently. Eren felt the wet, hot tears on his chest, but he paid them no mind. He softly hummed and continued to rub Jean’s back for several minutes, occasionally cooing small words of solace.

After a while, Jean’s crying eventually quieted down to hiccups. He sniffled. 

“I need a tissue.” Jean grumbled, voice scratchy, and left Eren’s comforting hold to grab at the Kleenex box on the bedside table. 

When he was done blowing his nose into three tissues (pausing between each one to hiccup), he expelled them all to the floor to be cleaned up in the morning. Normally Eren would’ve given him shit about germs, but he was more concerned with what had shaken his boyfriend so badly. Jean picked up a half empty water bottle lying on the table and took a couple gulps to chase away his hiccups. He put the bottle back down, then Eren welcomed Jean back into his hold.

After a few seconds of Jean trying to regain control over his trembling breaths, Eren inquired softly about Jean’s dream. “What happened?” 

Jean began to snap, “Bad dream, idio-” But stopped short, and Eren felt his boyfriend’s shoulders hunch up. Jean’s voice had far less bite and was barely above a whisper when he spoke again. “Sorry… I didn’t mean that...”

This threw Eren off even more. Jean never apologized, nevermind apologizing for merely calling Eren a name.

“I know you didn’t. We insult each other all the time, it’s fine. What happened?” Eren asked again, taking a glance down at disheveled, sandy blonde hair. 

He heard and felt Jean take in a big, shaky breath. “I… you…” Jean sighed. “It was just… not really a… nightmare, just…“ He trailed off quietly, looking for the right word.

“Just…?”

“Like…” Jean spoke into Eren’s chest, refusing to look up at him. They heard water rushing through the pipes in the walls, and Jean waited for the noise to finish before he continued, forehead still pressed lightly into his boyfriend’s chest.

“Like what?” Eren asked again, and Jean groaned.

“Like… I don’t know… flashback stuff. I guess, kinda.” Jean muttered.

Eren lifted a hand to card through Jean’s locks. “Flashback stuff like what?”

‘Your childhood was fucking loaded compared to mine.’ Eren thought. ‘How on Earth could your past bear anything more horrific than mine?

Jean sighed heavily. “It’s nothing… just-”

Eren frowned down at the top of Jean’s head. “No. Just what?” Jean groaned again. “Like, everything… everything I’ve ever done to you that was…” Jean got quieter. “... dickish.”

Eren thought that over. ‘So, Jean had one of those dreams that goes back into your memories to guilt-trip you of everything wrong you’ve ever done.’ He knew what it was like to feel guilt-ridden, and it sucked. He hummed into Jean’s hair again, as a confirmation that he understood.

“And it was a lot…” Jean’s voice cracker on the last word, signaling he was trying not to start crying again. “The… the dream just… wouldn’t end!” Jean’s voice got higher near the end of his rambling before breaking down again and hiding his face in Eren’s chest.

Eren sympathetically began to rub Jean’s back again, while Jean tried as hard as he could to keep his crying hidden, despite Eren telling him earlier not to hide. It was true, they’d had many, many years of being assholes to each other before their junior year of college, but their constant bickering wasn’t one-sided. Jean’s dream had just zeroed in on everything assholeish he had ever done to Eren, and dreams had a way of forcing you to believe you were the only one at fault, the only one who was wrong, the bully.

“I-I’m sorry… I’m sorry… “ Jean was streaming small, shaky, pleading apologies, but Eren wouldn’t have that.

He backed up a little and brought a hand under Jean's chin to lift his head up to face his own. “No, Jean.” Jean’s eyes were red and puffy, tracks of tears highlighted his sharp cheekbones, and he looked like a deer caught in the headlights, or in this case, trapped under Eren’s firm stare. 

“Don’t apologize, you have nothing to say sorry for.” Jean tried to push Eren’s hand away and escape his gaze, but Eren kept him in place. “What happened in the past ins't something we can change, and don’t act like you’re the only asshat here. We’re both dicks and you know it.”

Jean finally nudged Eren’s hand out from under his chin, and averted his eyes down again, but didn’t duck his head like before.

“Eren-“, “And our squabbling became our way of flirting back in our freshman year anyway, so stop feeling guilty.”

Jean sighed, and Eren stopped talking to let him hopefully take some of what he said in. “Eren… why do you put up with me?” Jean asked, voice empty and gaze down.

Eren chose his words, then answered. “The same reason you put up with me.”

‘Because I love you.’

Jean looked as though he were about to say something, then decided against it. Slowly, the corners of his lips started to curl up, but Jean tried to keep them down while an uncontrollable blush took it's sweet time to spread across his cheeks and over the bridge of his nose. Eren grinned pridefully at Jean, then pulled him into his chest again.

Eren closed his eyes and hummed contently when he felt Jean weakly give in, and hug back. But Jean got it one, last protest. “I don’t deserve-”, “Stop.”, “But you-”, “No.”

Jean grumbled into Eren’s chest, but he felt the smile there. “You’re terrible.”, “So 're you.”

They whispered back and forth, but eventually quieted down, and started to peacefully drift off. However, if you should know anything about these two, it’s that silence usually doesn’t last long.

“Eren… “ Jean began to whisper, too lazy to open his eyes.. “Did you fart?”

Eren kept his eyes closed as well, but couldn’t contain the shit-eating grin the spread wide across his face. “Yes.”

“Uuuuugggghhhhh,” Jean groaned dramatically, still whispering. “You’re disgustiiiiiiing.”

Eren chuckled airily. “Love you too, babe.”

Yeah. They definitely needed to smile more.


End file.
